My Little Guinea Pig

Dear Landon,

I am so grateful you were my first born.

I am also so sorry you were my first born.

The worst thing about being the first child is that you get to experience all of my parenting mistakes. I am learning as I go along and unfortunately, that means a lot of my mistakes fall onto you.

I was really hard on you yesterday. You have endless energy and you are always running around. I've told you several times not to run in the house because you tend to run into things and hurt yourself or break things in the house. Yesterday, you were in such a hurry and ran on the kitchen floor in your socks. You fell down pretty hard and started crying. You were really hurt. I ran over to you to console you. You walked away from me and wouldn't let me hold you, or even touch you. I chastised you for running, and after you stopped crying, you told me that you were only running because you were trying to hide my Mother's Day present before I could see it.

Then today, I took you and Emma to swim lessons and I forgot your swimsuit. You were obviously disappointed because you really look forward to swimming each week. You handled it like such a grownup, and told me that everyone makes mistakes and you knew it was an accident. Even after how I treated you yesterday, you still handled yourself with such dignity.

I want to be more like you.

The day you were born, you filled up a piece of my heart that I didn't know was missing. I never felt like having a child was a sacrifice, because you made it so easy. One smile or hug from you would make my day. Even though your hugs are becoming few and far between; they still make my day. Your smile still melts my heart. The love I have for you, my only son, is indescribable.

I promise to put less pressure on you. I promise to forgive your mistakes as easily as you forgive mine. I dedicate this Mother's Day to you Landon. After all, you are the one that made me a Mom.

I love you!